Rant of A...

What is wrong with me?
Why do I feel like a person who’s incapable of loving the opposite sex?

I never dated anyone.

I never held hands with anybody but my friends.

I never had a “movie-ish” passionate kind of kiss.
And… I’ve never been in a relationship. I never had a boyfriend, be it a fling or a serious one.

I have girl friends but not a girlfriend. I do really think that the space on these compound words does make a distinction between them even though MS Word is correcting it. I chose to ignore it.

I can’t say I’m a lesbian because to be honest, I get attracted easily to guys, especially the ones who are in the range of my type. I have crushes, well, loads of them! I have a huge crush on Nicholas Hoult and the hot guy from Call Me Maybe music video named Holden Nowell. Well, I’ve dreamed of meeting my prince charming one day. And I have standards with regards to my soul mate. I believe in love and I believe in fairy tales. I’ve dreamed of having a Christian Grey kind of guy (excluding his weird dominance and dirty sex fantasies).

I have tried texting some guys. It never worked out. Maybe I talk too much? I am really not used to it so it usually ends up in Milky Way. Honestly, when messages get weird, it gets on my nerves. Not that I am angry when I was told those sweet words, it’s just that I feel irritated and that I’m just f*ing not used to it. (Sorry for the word!) It feels like my everyday routines have been altered and I don’t like having to think what to say next. It just gets in my way; work, friends, whatever it is I’m doing. I get agitated. Good thing a lot of my friends were never the “matchmaker” types. I’ve read it a lot on books that some friends will try to set you up. Well, I think my friends wouldn’t be so mean to do that for me… Or, they are so mean they won’t do it to me! I think it’s the former. I love my friends! Good thing I don’t have to force myself to go out with someone I don’t know. I would die of awkwardness, I swear.
For Thor’s sake (not taking the name of the Lord in vain!), I’m 24 and turning 25 soon… Very soon! But… I never get to experience anything! I’m such a loser. How will I be ready for the future if nothing’s going to happen now?
I love my life. I think, the problem with me before, is I felt very much secured that I didn’t need anything. I have everything when I was young, but then when you grow older, you realize there’s so much more to life than new clothing, money in your wallet and a car. I started being lonely when my father died. All the emptiness came flowing into me like some kind of a wave drowning me into the sea to meet Spongebob and his friends. Very deep part of the sea, right? And, to add up to the security, I can’t flirt. Geesh. Let me say that one more time, I CAN’T F*ING FLIRT! I just can’t do it! It is so not me! I think I’ve reached Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Self Actualization very soon.

One friend asked me last year “Still no boyfriend? Aren’t you worried?”, I was like “WHY WOULD I BE WORRIED? WHAT THE HELL?!”

I really don’t care. Sometimes, I don’t even care what I look like. I don’t like dressing up or anything. I just wear my jeans, an old rugged sneakers and a simple shirt. That’s it. I never dressed for everyone’s eyes and ears to talk about. I put makeup because of work, and if I’m not at work, I still put minimal makeup because I’m not used to going out without it.

Let me tell some of my attitude also; loud, vocal, hyper, energetic, jolly, bubbly, there are a lot of words to describe me. Actually, I came in very transparent. You will usually see me laughing around the corridors like a gone-mad witch. In fact, I am also very talented! Not that I’m bragging myself about it, okay, fine, I was kind of bragging because I’m too surprised too of what I can do.

And let me tell you this, no one is asking me out. Yeah. Finally, I blurted it out. No one finds me interesting but my friends.
Friends are mean, they so love you. They are your major supporters.

And, that’s it. Just killing time while waiting for my tablet to charge on the computer.
If ever you are NICHOLAS HOULT, and you’re reading this message, I’m asking if you could spare a time for a fan and meet me. Let’s have a date and I will make sure you’ll never have a dull moment. By the way, in case you’re wondering where I am from, I can fetch you with my ship. We will have a date here in the Moon. Romantic, right?