SNAP!

I just got home at around twelve forty midnight and my mind wants to write. To write about what? I don’t know either. But since I was so fucked up at my work, my body is dragging me to bed. After devouring a small bowl of Fitnesse cereal I stole from my sister (okay, I admit it, it’s a small bowl but full of it until it was about to spill), a glass of low fat milk and a hotdog sandwich, it gave me the energy to write about a topic I still don’t know. In case you are wondering what kind of stomach I have, hey, you can’t blame me! I didn’t eat my meal at work. The food in our canteen is always very insipid and unappealing.

Sometimes, you just eat it to make sure you have refilled your empty stomach. Just for the record, we are not allowed to bring food inside the building, especially the hotdog-burger-fries kind of thing. We can only bring cookies in a no biodegradable plastics you buy commercially, not the freshly baked ones. They wouldn’t allow it even if it doesn’t make sense. They are the same cookies! And, junkies, which I am not very fond of. I want real food! I want to bring my mom’s friend chicken at work, but I can’t!

Anyway, am I going to write about food again, which will make me hungrier when I finished this? No. I just want to stress out that I am not able to post my blog real time, so this could be read far from today when I was writing it. So, it feels like, if you read my blog, you are listening to someone else from the past. It’s funny how day goes by and another comes in, and you realized yesterday was like this and that, and now it’s different. Sometimes, I end the day just observing almost everything. I can compare myself to one of the main characters in Mitch Albom’s The Time Keeper, Dor, who invented time. Ooh, by the way, The Fault in Our Stars is finally on the big screen! I can’t wait!

Another anyway, I realized I want to talk about what happened yesterday, dated 19th of February, at around fifteen before midnight. Me and my colleagues were on our way home, and when the jeepney came, my Reef flip flops suddenly snapped. Gosh, that was so embarrassing! Second to my most embarrassing one, happened in college, and only I should know what it is. I wanted to go to 711 to buy the cheapest fair I can manage but the jeepney only comes once in a while and I badly wanted to go home early so I decided to make a grab for it and swallow the embarrassment instead. I want the ground to just swallow me up, but I think I handled the situation really well, because I believe I am a smart woman of the latest century. I magically repaired it temporarily using a pin. I laughed at myself so hard, instead of being awkward; I made fun of the situation. Well, I guess that’s any one’s initial reaction when you are as transparent as me. I swore never to wear flip flops again. Screw Havaianas, Reef, Billabong, Ipanema etc! I want real shoes! I swore never to give up my three year relationship with my Chucks.

And now, I want to go to sleep. Whoever you are that will be reading this blog, thank you and please send me shoes and sandals. Nah, just kidding.

Rant of A...

What is wrong with me?
Why do I feel like a person who’s incapable of loving the opposite sex?

I never dated anyone.

I never held hands with anybody but my friends.

I never had a “movie-ish” passionate kind of kiss.
And… I’ve never been in a relationship. I never had a boyfriend, be it a fling or a serious one.

I have girl friends but not a girlfriend. I do really think that the space on these compound words does make a distinction between them even though MS Word is correcting it. I chose to ignore it.

I can’t say I’m a lesbian because to be honest, I get attracted easily to guys, especially the ones who are in the range of my type. I have crushes, well, loads of them! I have a huge crush on Nicholas Hoult and the hot guy from Call Me Maybe music video named Holden Nowell. Well, I’ve dreamed of meeting my prince charming one day. And I have standards with regards to my soul mate. I believe in love and I believe in fairy tales. I’ve dreamed of having a Christian Grey kind of guy (excluding his weird dominance and dirty sex fantasies).

I have tried texting some guys. It never worked out. Maybe I talk too much? I am really not used to it so it usually ends up in Milky Way. Honestly, when messages get weird, it gets on my nerves. Not that I am angry when I was told those sweet words, it’s just that I feel irritated and that I’m just f*ing not used to it. (Sorry for the word!) It feels like my everyday routines have been altered and I don’t like having to think what to say next. It just gets in my way; work, friends, whatever it is I’m doing. I get agitated. Good thing a lot of my friends were never the “matchmaker” types. I’ve read it a lot on books that some friends will try to set you up. Well, I think my friends wouldn’t be so mean to do that for me… Or, they are so mean they won’t do it to me! I think it’s the former. I love my friends! Good thing I don’t have to force myself to go out with someone I don’t know. I would die of awkwardness, I swear.
For Thor’s sake (not taking the name of the Lord in vain!), I’m 24 and turning 25 soon… Very soon! But… I never get to experience anything! I’m such a loser. How will I be ready for the future if nothing’s going to happen now?
I love my life. I think, the problem with me before, is I felt very much secured that I didn’t need anything. I have everything when I was young, but then when you grow older, you realize there’s so much more to life than new clothing, money in your wallet and a car. I started being lonely when my father died. All the emptiness came flowing into me like some kind of a wave drowning me into the sea to meet Spongebob and his friends. Very deep part of the sea, right? And, to add up to the security, I can’t flirt. Geesh. Let me say that one more time, I CAN’T F*ING FLIRT! I just can’t do it! It is so not me! I think I’ve reached Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Self Actualization very soon.

One friend asked me last year “Still no boyfriend? Aren’t you worried?”, I was like “WHY WOULD I BE WORRIED? WHAT THE HELL?!”

I really don’t care. Sometimes, I don’t even care what I look like. I don’t like dressing up or anything. I just wear my jeans, an old rugged sneakers and a simple shirt. That’s it. I never dressed for everyone’s eyes and ears to talk about. I put makeup because of work, and if I’m not at work, I still put minimal makeup because I’m not used to going out without it.

Let me tell some of my attitude also; loud, vocal, hyper, energetic, jolly, bubbly, there are a lot of words to describe me. Actually, I came in very transparent. You will usually see me laughing around the corridors like a gone-mad witch. In fact, I am also very talented! Not that I’m bragging myself about it, okay, fine, I was kind of bragging because I’m too surprised too of what I can do.

And let me tell you this, no one is asking me out. Yeah. Finally, I blurted it out. No one finds me interesting but my friends.
Friends are mean, they so love you. They are your major supporters.

And, that’s it. Just killing time while waiting for my tablet to charge on the computer.
If ever you are NICHOLAS HOULT, and you’re reading this message, I’m asking if you could spare a time for a fan and meet me. Let’s have a date and I will make sure you’ll never have a dull moment. By the way, in case you’re wondering where I am from, I can fetch you with my ship. We will have a date here in the Moon. Romantic, right?

Weird Dreams : December 3, 2014

Angels pass their powers to mortals?

I don’t know but that’s what I’ve dreamed of today.

What are these dreams? Are they some kind of a fear simulation as the one on the book Divergent?
There are angels, but I don’t fear them, it is water. I’ve dreamed of riding a boat.

I keep dreaming about water and I want it to stop.

A friend was forcing me to ride the boat. The boat was filled with water up to the ankles of my feet. I was so scared, thinking that the boat will sink. Eventually, I stepped on it.

I was in a huge ballroom with huge glass windows from ceiling to floor. It is, as usual twilight. The wood floor creaks as I walk. There were a lot of angels from outside the glass; angels with different and colorful wings. I was choosing. I don’t know what I am choosing from. Then one angel came closer towards the glass window, looking to me as if she wants something from me. She reached her one palm up to the window and smiled.

She passed her powers to me. She said “It’s as simple as that, I just have to choose where to pass my angelic powers to.” I spread my arms and felt like there’s something between my arms and my back. When I spread them, wings with different colors are what I see.

Happiness and amazement came pouring down on me as I stare on my wings. I put my arms down and spread it again, and another set of colorful wings spread out.
So I was like a peacock, huh?
He was trying to make me ride the boat once again. You know when you have the power but you can’t seem to make it work?

I don't remember how it went. The story ends here.