Numb

Lately, I thought I've been feeling numb that I want to feel something. Something different that's not familiar to the senses or whatnot. I can't explain it but each time I feel cold, like literally, physically cold, I keep having weird thoughts that I, myself couldn't explain either. Maybe it's a postmenstrual syndrome, I don't know. I feel happy and ecstatic whenever around people but when I'm all alone, the feeling suddenly appears.

I think I was thinking if I should inflict physical pain to myself to awaken my senses and shake my sleeping soul. I feel entirely flat. Just living the normal life. Wake up, work, sleep, and that's about it. I was thinking if it's also related to ny best friend being resently officially in a relationship. I felt abandoned but that's not the perfect word to describe what I feel. Honestly, I'm happy for the both of them and I don't care actually.

I think I should get a tattoo. But I don't think that's an option because I don't think my current job is my dream job and I don't plan on settling here for so long. I am still waiting for that dream job to come and I'm ready to get a tattoo.

The last time I felt this weird, I got my ear peirced two at a time on one side. Eventually, I had to get rid of it because I can't hide my ear because we have to tie our hair at work.

So what is this feeling? I'm an empty shell. I can say people around are having a good timebhaving me around and to cope up to this emptiness, I am loud, I mean very loud.

I don't want to just feel this anger and regret solely, but something that wasn't there before. Something brand new is welcome. Maybe something like a Survivor challenge or sky diving or what?